My immune system seems to have given up on me too. So my mind is gone and my body is falling apart. Though at least I DO have a job that pays me a salary so that when I leave around lunch (like today) I still get paid even though I didn't spend the entire afternoon doing work at home. So I've been sitting at home all afternoon/evening feeling awful all over.
The ride I did alone on Saturday was awful... started raining at about 2.5 hours when I was almost the farthest away from home as possible. And to go home I have to go downhill. So it was a scary, slippery, windy, slow pedal back. Strangely though, even though my riding is quickly regressing, my run seems to be getting better. I did my 12.8 mile long run on Sunday at a sub-9 minute pace. Normally I don't run long runs that fast unless I'm racing. And then my swim seems to be stagnating.
I wonder if I had someone to have an in-person conversation with that I would feel better. I think my biggest problem is that I am living in my head without anyone who understands me to talk to. That and my parents are not helping. If I say anything to them, they just tell me to "suck it up." It's not working, believe me, I've been trying. For the first time ever I am starting to consider counseling. I'm not sure how long I can last like this. If I didn't force myself out of bed in the morning to go work out, I would be sleeping 9-10 hours on a regular basis. And then some may say, but if you can work out then there's really nothing wrong with you. But I think it's more a fear of getting fat and soft and the guilt feeling afterwards of not working out that makes me get up. That and being coached. Though I think if I didn't have a coach right now, I may have ceased doing anything except getting up to go to work and then sleeping the rest of the time.
The only other reasoning I have for my current mood is my current diet, or lack thereof. Perhaps if I ate better I would feel better, but to eat better I would have to be in a better mindset. This seems to be an endless cycle. Ugh.
2 comments:
I definitely think it is time for a physical! Sounds like a bunch of things are going on and you need some help outside of your head! You also can call if you just want to talk. I will try not to sound like your mother!
i vote for counseling! i went through this in Dallas. My work paid for it. sweeeeet.
good luck and hugs!!
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